A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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