it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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