If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
