If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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