My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
