Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
