never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
