obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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