My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
