she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
we should paint friendship bongs
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