So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
