Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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