Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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