Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
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He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
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My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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