you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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