cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
