Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
