the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
