I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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