A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
only if we run a train.
done.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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