My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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