Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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