you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
ttyl tear gas
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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