the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
