smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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