I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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