Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize