After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Your penis caused this!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
