so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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