sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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