Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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