Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
