sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
