Im at strip club and am horny
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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