There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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