just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
