Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
