I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
