no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Randomize
