I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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