I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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