just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize