She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
