I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
