Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
