Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
