That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
