What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
