She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
