Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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