i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
