After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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