idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
