i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
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Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
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Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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