The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
