Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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