Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
