Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
