What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I need to calm my uterus...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
