oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
