I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize