I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
