i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
