Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
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No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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