I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
