I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
