i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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