can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
