He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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