Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
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Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
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I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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