tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize