We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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